i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
