its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
