How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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