In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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