I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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