He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize