Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
