I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
