I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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