Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
