I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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