dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
