I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize