the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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