I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
