peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
