We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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