The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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