I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
