Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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