i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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