dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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