Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
