Can i not drive my cunt home
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Shame - the story of my life.
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