You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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