Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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