I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
