piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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