just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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