my phone needs a breathalizer
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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