I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
