someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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