nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
