No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
