Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wear drunk well.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
