imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
