areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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