dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
