to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
