So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
