I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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