don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
