Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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