well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
