Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I yelled at your uterus for you.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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