This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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