Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Your cock deserves a montage
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
