this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
