my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
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Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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