We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
