These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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