I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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