So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
