I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this