What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.