I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.