If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
