his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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