love makes seman taste better
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
