My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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