I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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