she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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