Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
