If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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