i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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