if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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