My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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